Paul

50 years together, 6 years after.

We were together for three years, then we got married. And we were married from 1972 to 1990. And then even after we were no longer married, we talked every day, from 1990 to 2019. Every year she would come here and stay for a month or sometimes more, and I would go over there and stay for a week, I think. She died in 2019.

And even after 2019, I have constant dreams about her; some bad and some good.

I can't keep track, but certainly in the last year, I’ve been dreaming about her a great deal.

Some are good dreams, most are not. My daughter is young in the dreams. I guess she is too.

I have a belief that when you're married to someone for a long time or involved with someone in any way and they get old, you see them through all the periods of their life. You don't see them as old. You see them as a mixture.

After a relatively short time we were on good terms, and we even went away on trips together. I would go once a year. And she would come here. And all the formal arrangements we made, which was like a book that thick, it didn't matter.

I always had the role of her caretaker in a way. Not that I was very good at it. So that kept on.

I was sad too. But do I miss her? I'm not so sure.

The years after we were divorced, it was still like being married in a way, it kind of prevented me from ever seeing anybody else. I mean, I was perfectly able to. I had a couple of dates, but that's it. I felt married and yet some of the burdens of marriage I didn't have anymore.

People weren’t particularly supportive after Heide died, not really, because I wasn't officially married. They figured, oh, if you're divorced, you don't really like each other. That's the attitude most people have.

Since she died over there in Germany, my daughter and I, that very day went right over. My daughter arranged a very nice service over there. And then when we got back here, she was a member of a German singing club, it’s called Liederkranz. She was a member there for many years. And they had a little something for her there.

But none of my friends really, really knew her.

My daughter was very active with me about her ashes, and she wanted to spread the ashes in every major place where Heide and I have been. Part of it was in Germany. And then since our honeymoon was in St. John, even though my daughter was pregnant, we went there. And then she liked Lake Mohonk a lot, so we found a place there. And Central Park.

And to this day, every day that is my, that it's Heide’s birthday, my daughter gets flowers, cuts the petals into little pieces. We meet in Central Park where Heide and I met, and we throw them there.

My advice to others is getting married from someone from a totally different background, religion, culture, country might not be wise. That's my advice.